Just some things I'm really proud of...

This week I have been thinking about the things I'm proud of and I came to the conclusion that I don't just have one thing, so here's my round up of things I'm proud of...

In no particular order -

1. Proposing to Daniel my darling fiance and husband to be. And reaching our 5 year anniversary is another thing I'm proud of too! It's the longest relationship either of us have had and we have both grown a lot in the past 5 years. I'm really proud of what Dan has achieved with work, travel (for work and with me) and just being together.

The ring is engraved and says "Will you marry me?"

He said Yes!

Here we are with our flatmate Loren - photographed by Gareth from Duo Photography -

2. Making a future for myself and sticking with study, even through the tough times, illness and failures. Everything has helped build me up to be the woman I am today. 

In under six months I'll be all done with study and exams... And in less than a year I'll be walking across the stage at Graduation!

3. My nails - just having long nails and going to see my nail lady Serenity every month - has filled me with pride. I used to be a chronic nail biter from anxiety.  

 

4. Furthering my skills through online courses and courses from the university - just creating a better future for myself. To be doing what I love and learning lots every chance I get is amazing.
Recently I completed a few courses over the break from uni with Shaw Academy for Blogging and Content Marketing; learning how to be a Celebrity Fashion Stylist and Event Planning courses through Skill Success.
These cheaply found courses online have helped me to develop skills I didn't know I had to make me a more employable person. I've decided that Fashion Styling isn't for me, but the skills I've gained in learning how to tape shoes and such skills I've learned from these courses may be beneficial in future.

5. Working through my Anxiety and Depression and finding an awesome counsellor and doctor who helped me work through and learn techniques to help me control my panic attacks and keep calmer in exams. I must be doing a great job of it because I sat two exams recently without fear and without having any panicky feelings. So I'm really proud of myself for pushing through the tough times and persevering! I'm also really thankful and grateful for Daniel sticking by me throughout all these times, the good and the bad.

6. Having friends, family and flatmates who are there for me when I need them, and when they need me. They know who they are.

Until next week,
xo, Lisa.

A check in and some new things in the works!

Back on January 4th 2016 I wrote this post and highlighted these goals - 

1. To finish my final 5 papers for my final year of study at VUW. I'm enrolled in a paper for summer which starts tomorrow - I'm excited and nervous to get these final 5 papers done. - I don't know what 2017 will bring - uni will be done and I'll be working!?

2. To lose weight, and this isn't a generic "I'll lose weight because it's New Years" thing, I'm serious.

3. To actually push myself creatively - writing blog posts, photographing for my Instagram, making YouTube videos? Actually doing things regularly to get my creative juices flowing.

And the usual New Years Goals:

• have fun, 
• keep growing my nails out, (2015 and prior every year it was hard to stop biting nails, counseling helped on this one!)
• exploring more of the city,
• learning new skills,
• and learning new things.

Well, now for an update - 

1. I've just done both the exams for my first two papers and I'm waiting patiently on the results from those and my course overall.
Oh! And I talked to my course advisor who has said I only need to do 4 papers this year, so the compulsory English 201 paper, then one from English 300-399, one from English 300-329 and another Religion paper... and then I can have a double major for my BA in English Literature and Religious Studies!
And in my exams, yes there were two! I didn't have any anxiety problems, no panic attacks or fear during the exam. I kept calm and got it done. (Go me!)

2. I haven't been doing much actively towards this goal, because of having a possible Morton's Neuroma in my toes diagnosed. I'll write a longer blog post about that later.

3. I've currently got 3 weeks off between exams ending and term 2 starting, so I've signed up to THREE online courses and I hope to upskill myself by doing those. They are in -
- Fashion stylist
-Blogging
-Event Planner

My nails still look awesome, although no photo as the polish needs replacing, my appointment is in a week, so I'll do a post about them later too.

I haven't been exploring more of the city recently at all. I really should do it more.

As for learning - see above with the online courses.

I feel like this post is more of an update kind of one, but that's okay. Sometimes we just need to check in and see how things are going.

Until next week,
XO, Lisa.

27 things to do when you're 27

Tomorrow I'll be turning 27 and I remember reading an article about a year ago someone wrote on the "27 things you're meant to do by age 27" or something, and the internet went into an uproar about the suggestions because it was like - don't listen to boy bands when you're over 27... and only wear, do and say certain things.

Well in response there was a pile of awesome bloggers (and others) who replied: Screw you and your thoughts, here's what we have to say! 

Here are my own 27 things while I'm 27, that I hope to accomplish in this year:

1. Continue with my education:
Get my degree.
Seek out the best ESOL teaching training options, and pursue them!

2. On Love:
Get engaged? Get married? Have fun with Dan.
Be smart about what to say when someone asks when you're getting married - it's very personal.

3. Be in the moment... 
Too often I'm busy, busy, busy and too hectic to just be.

4. See more of the world, and the beautiful country I live in. 
Go exploring in a new (to me) part of town. Take photographs and get awesome memories in the process (to later share some on here and Instagram too).

5. Use Sunscreen. 
Skin Cancer in my family means I'm already at a higher risk for it than I'd like.
Use the proper SPF stuff.

6. Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks of you, just what you think of you. Who cares if you buy your clothes on sales, or from the bargain section of the shop?

7. Get more of my university assignments in, on time. Being on time is a great skill to have too.

8. To learn how to appreciate being alone. To think. Plan. Make my own path for the future.

9. On saying No when you really don't want to (or can't) do something.
This is something I've been working on. I find it easier now to say no, but then the guilt gets me. I need to work on losing that guilty feeling (like I'm letting someone down by saying No.)

10. Update my Instagram / social media accounts more. But don't let it become an obsessive need to do it. Weekly updates are probably best.
And to post my blog posts onto my Facebook page each Monday when they're published here too.

11. Have more time with Friends. We're all so busy all the time with work, school, and other commitments that we barely see each other for months on end. (Crazy!)
I'm going to be trying to meet up with a couple of friends for walks/ swims and chats more often.

12. Learning a new skill. I've been working on teaching ESOL for a few years now and I'm still learning constantly. I teach one on one, so those kinds of lesson set ups with a student don't scare me. (They used to!) ... whereas I'm still not 100% in the way I teach, so I'm learning to be more perceptive of how my student learns and adapting my teaching style to them.

13. On food: 
Learn how to cook a signature dish. Mine just might be couscous. A year or so back Dan admitted to me that he couldn't stand rice. One evening I decided to try making couscous and we both love it. I've learned over time that couscous needs more flavour so adding some cumin and butter is awesome.

14. On fashion: 
I'm no fashionista! Generally I wear clothes that are comfortable. I'm not into fashion or the latest runway styles. I have my usual grab and go set that I wear often (I'm looking at you leggings!)... Recently I bought a crop top, so I am keen to learn how to wear that. It's striped white and black. If anyone has tips - leave me a comment.

15. Find, follow, and comment on other people's blogs. 
I recently found Helene in Between on BlogLovin'.
BlogLovin' also has a great email newsletter which puts you in touch with other blogs you may like. I've been subscribed to the main email list for a while, and love it.

16. Use protection: 
If you're like me and don't want a baby now, then use protection. I have my copper IUD in still, but there's lots of other options out there.

17. Figure out your finances:
Student loan? Yeah, and it's not pretty. ~$45,000 owing on mine*.
The good news is though, that I have no other debts. No credit cards and no overdraft. 
I had a $500 overdraft, with my bank and paid it off quickly. I also cut off that feature so I can't go into more debt again.
And just as I set myself a goal to aim for: to buy myself a tablet (to use for teaching, as well as University study...) and then I realise - fully upset now - about how close it is to Christmas.
This year is the final one I'll be having at home with my family; Next year (2016) is all about studying and saving hard to afford TESOL studies in 2017... before moving overseas! (late 2017 / early 2018).
*I haven't finished my studies either, so I have a little more which will go on there in the next 18 months. 

18. Creating a more homely home:
Keeping on top of my chores better, not letting washing pile up, or dishes take over the tiny kitchen.

19. Professional, in attire and in personality:
This is a current gap in my wardrobe, I dress relatively smart casual (so I think anyway?) So I have a distinct lack of black nice trousers and such for interviews and more business attire in general.

20. Making my health a priority: Up until I turned 25 I was biting my nails and making a right mess of my hands. It effected my self esteem and my feelings of worth.
Now I'd like to work on myself as a whole - eating well, drinking more water and just generally taking care of myself better. Since being diagnosed with Asthma at 21, I've let it be an excuse for my bad weight and health choices. I can exercise. I am lazy; I need people to support me in my fitness goals.
I am not trying to lose weight per se, but to become overall more healthy.

21. Facing things head on: If there's something difficult in the way, to face it like an adult and accept that things may be difficult. It's only a challenge for the moment. It won't last forever.

22. On music: 
Listen to whatever makes you feel something (it could make you dance and be happy, or cry...)

23. There's always a lesson to be learned: No matter what life throws your way, there's always something you can learn from the good, the bad or the ugly that comes your way.
Use these lessons in positive ways.


#24 credit

25. Stand aside from those who do not agree with you and your views. Embrace the whole "agree to disagree" vibe of life. 

  #25 credit.

26. Stop comparing yourself to others. 

The Jones' aren't at the same stage of their life as you are, and that's okay. 

Your life is not their life (and vice versa).

Life in the moment and just learn to be.

27. Be yourself.

Stop being ashamed of who and how you are. Embrace your quirks. 

You're you and your friends and family love you for being you. 

It's starting to feel a lot like summer

It's coming into Summer time for us here in Kiwi Land.

I've been super busy organising dinners, and events. And I have another conference coming up next week on top of everything else I've been up to!

The days feel longer and sunnier.

 I'm currently enjoying listening to the birds chirping in the trees next to the car parking building next door. I just noticed that the neighbours cat is playing with a bug on the window sill. Adorable.

If you follow me on Instagram you'd see I've been growing out my nails, they're nicely longer now. Nail biting is a horrible habit to have. I am thankful to have done treatment this year to help my anxiety levels and my mental health overall. I'm using a clear nail polish (it's a top and base coat in one) to just have on my nails so I see it's a little shiney. This has helped me stop biting them, so has to be good.

The tree in the lane behind our apartment is lush with new green leaves, they've been there a little while now, maybe a month or so. It's great to look out and see beautiful nature instead of just bland concrete crisscrossed with graffiti,  spray painted art and other tagging.

The local streets have been pulled up and re-sealed around us too, which made for some construction noise filled nights. Wasn't so impressed at being kept up at the time. But the streets look great. I just hope they won't bleed tar everywhere all summer long! (Has been known to happen if the stones weren't thick enough over the tar).
Luckily I've learned some tricks for tar removal - such as using butter, or peanut butter, on the object that has tar on it. Getting it when it's freshly on helps too.
Just spread the butter onto the tar and then rub it off with something you don't care for (like paper towels) as you'll have to throw it out.

Hope everyone is well where you are.

Until next time,
L.

Feelings and stuff

To be honest I am not sure what I plan on doing with this blog, since starting it in 2010; let's just say that during the past 4 years my life has changed a lot. I'm not the same person I was back then. My relationships have changed (love wise) and I live in a much swankier place now, an apartment. On top of all that I have my mental health stuff still going on, as well as Asthma (who saw that curve ball coming my way?!) If you'd told the Lisa of 4 years ago that I'd be living in an apartment in the city I would have laughed...

I haven't blogged in nearly a month now, I've had a lot of changes in my life offline...
such as I'm now adding to my career titles, I just wish I was being paid! (haha).
I am now a secretary for a society; as well as the Outreach officer for another society.

To the memories of this year...

At Te Papa, selfie in the art gallery.

Wellington Waterfront.

Make over with Brooklyn at Weltec.

Take Back the Hood, Bats show.

Above and below: art from Matchbox art gallery.

Sunset from our apartment.

Fashion clothing and another update

Clothing.
I tend to throw on whichever clothing is cleanest and go about my day. 
I rarely wear make up. (Will that change soon?) 
I put my bamboo brush through my hair and I'm off to enjoy my day. 

Am I unique in 'not caring' about my appearance? Probably not. 

My 100th Post and 100 things about me (that you probably don't know)

So apparently it's a 'thing' to do a list of 100 things about yourself for your 100th blog post... I have no idea how I'm going to come up with 100 but we will see how this goes.
This is also the Lucky 100th post, it's taken a few years and a lot of missed posts - I haven't been fantastic at the whole "blog post each week" promise I made years ago!

1. I'm technically a Lisa Marie, in other words officially I don't have a middle name!
2. I'm the oldest in my family - oldest child, oldest sibling, oldest cousin, oldest grandchild (on both sides) as well as oldest granddaughter (on both sides).
3. My High School Sweetheart died when I was 18.
4. My Parents are High School Sweethearts.
5. My Parents share their birthday, although in different years - Dad is older.
6. I learned Dance when I was a child.
7. I cannot wear High Heels.
8. I don't have children and I don't want any: I'm Childfree.
9. I've bitten my nails since I was a child. (Onychophagia).
10. I have been treated for Depression.
11. I'm open about health and contraception.
12. I've talked about having an IUD on Facebook.
13. I have an Instagram account where I upload photos (I'm better at photography than writing it seems!)
14. I love drinking tea. Green tea. Iced. It doesn't bother me.
15. I love pineapples.
16. I'm mildly allergic to coconut.
17. Also mildly allergic to kiwifruit.
18. Badly allergic to Ventolin.
19. I'm Asthmatic - from a Bakery job I had when I first moved to Wellington.
20. I moved to Wellington in June 2009 for University.
21. I'm nearly 26.
22. My birthday is September 22nd.
23. I don't believe in religion, God or otherwise. I'm an Atheist.
24. I love cats, but I'm allergic to them.
25. I want to have a dog, one day.
26. I joined Skeptics In The Pub with Dan - We do a lot of Activism there, like writing ASA (Advertising Standards Authority) complaints about advertising...
27. Dan and I have been together for over 3 years now (and counting!)
28. I spent a year after high school at Art School.
29. I have 6 papers left of my BA to complete at VUW.
30. Dan and I moved into an apartment with a flatmate and we love it.
31. Secretly I love DIY...
32. Last year I had my hair cut off into a Pixie cut - loved it for a while but then really wanted long hair. . .
33. I learned that Hair takes a LONG time to regrow when you chop it all off!
34. This year I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder - I've been treated with CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
35. Stopped being on the Pill after 11 years... (and got my IUD about 5 months ago).
36. A huge ally for my Queer, Gay, Lesbian, Trans* and Intersex friends.
37. Have been flatting, living away from parents, since I was 18.
38. Learned to drive while I was really depressed - the plus side is that I can't remember how scary it must have been!
39. I have memory problems relating to my depressive episode (at age 18-23).
40. Parents and family now live 4.5 hours away from me.
41. I live in the capital city of New Zealand.
42. I wear glasses for reading.
43. I have my full drivers licence.
44. I adore Bubble Tea (with the Tapioca bubbles).
45. I taught an Asian friend how to boil rice on the stove. (He had only every used a rice cooker).
46. I want to learn how to fly an aeroplane - helicopter.
47. I dressed very tom-boyish as a child.
48. When I turned 22 or 23 I started to dress more femininely; more dresses anyway!
49. I still don't know how to wear skirts well.
50. I wish I knew how to sew better and I want to buy a sewing machine so I can do so.
51. Dan can't drive, so I do it. But we don't have a car so it's not a big deal.
52. I'm quite lazy - but only with certain things.
53. I really don't like exercise - if it's not "fun" I won't do it.
54. I'm still in touch with my high school sweethearts mum.
55. I fear that people close to me, don't actually like me.
56. Justice Crew is the coolest Dance/Song group I've seen in a while.
57. I worked as a Security Guard for 3 days.
58. I have had Panic Attacks.
59. I admin on Facebook for a variety of groups from childfree ones, to fluoride (pro) pages to anxiety groups.
60. One of my childhood school friends fathers is a convicted sex offender.
61. I volunteer for Wellington Rape Crisis, where I work on their behalf in a charity store called Eva's Attic which is a charity shop that runs off donations and volunteers manning the shop. It's all designer and stuff so I've had to learn lots about fashion!
62. I'm quite frugal, possibly because I've always been kind of on the poor end of the middle class scale.
63. I own TWO designer pieces (both brand new) that I got for under 75% off retail through Eva's Attic. (Volunteering has it's perks!)
64. I was a Supervisor in a previous job.
65. I was 2IC in a shop I worked in when I was 19.
66. I have moved house ten times, the first time when I was 7 the most recently in January 2013.
67. My favourite colour right now is Purple.
68. I like the look of tattoos, but I'm scared I'll be allergic to the ink.
69. On the topic of tattoos I can't nail down a design I love, so I'm going to wait.
70. I love the Marvel comics, movies and shows.
71. I adore eating chocolate.
72. Cupcakes are so fun to make and decorate.
73. Cider, and wine are my beverages of choice alcohol wise.
74. I love wearing scarf's.
75. I'm a grammar nerd, but I make mistakes sometimes.
76. I love languages and I'm learning French and Korean.
77. I taught Korean students English for a year.
78. I love baking and try to do so.
79. I have occupational asthma - Baker's Lung, which means I'm allergic to an inhaled Flour particle called alpha amylase and here I wrote about my journey.
80. Although I'm allergic to the dust of Flour, I can still eat it in other things (like in cakes, cupcakes and cookies!)
81.  My Flour allergy is NOT the same as being Gluten Free.
82. I worked in a Pie Shop for over 2 years. (Jesters Pies).
83. I'm trained with Occupational Safety and Health  - in Kitchen Hygiene.
84. I trained as a Barista (coffee making) but the smell of Coffee makes me feel sick.
85. I want to live in Asia - teaching ESOL.
86. I am yet to travel the South Island of New Zealand. I've travelled around 99% of the North Island of New Zealand.
87. My first car was a White Ford Laser, which we bought from my best friend. It was a 1991 one. Sadly after I sold it (to fund the move to Wellington for University in 2009) it was written off by the following owner after us. *My parents bought it for me.
88. I'm often caught not wearing glasses when I should be (anything on the computer and doing anything up close, like reading). *Grabs glasses and puts them on.*
89. I don't know how to wear make up and I am trying to learn. It's my goal before I turn 30 to learn how to do it.
90. I have nice blue eyes.
91. I've been to Melbourne three times. Once with my family, and twice with Dan and his family.
92. Highlight in Melbourne was going on the Oldest wooden roller coaster in the Southern Hemisphere at Luna Park.
93.  I get into marathons of TV shows, so I'll watch the entire season in a short period of time. Most recently The Hills.
94. I drowned a recent cellphone in the washing machine, I was sick and put my dressing gown etc into the wash and realised when it had been going about 30 minutes that my phone was being washed too! Oops!
95. I don't really have a favourite band or music, but I listen to a lot of the Top 40 songs...
96. Dan and I saw Macklemore when he came to Wellington.
97. I'm quite Introverted, so a loud night out ends with me needing a quiet day to relax.
98. First pet was a bird named Barney, a blue budgie.
99. I decorated the sign that hangs outside the Eva's Attic shop (art school paid off!).
100. I had a car crash when I was 20, I backed into someone who drove behind me when I was reversing out of a car park. It was really scary and I still don't like reversing when I'm driving. But like everything, practise makes perfect.

Bonus fact about me: 
I have piercings: 2 in each ear lobe, my industrial bar on one ear and my bellybutton pierced. As always, I wish there were more!

One of my Demons

Today my post is taking a bit of an educational direction - talking about a mental health condition I suffer with  have to deal with on a daily basis. I'm talking about Nail Biting. Onychophagia.

This article is a good one which explains what Onychophagia is and how to deal with it.
For me I think my nail biting started back when I was 7 and had an incident with a cousin with long nails, a tennis ball fight and a resulting scratched eye. Ever since then I'd had short nails, shortened not from cutting or trimming them, but from biting them. It's not something I'm proud of... It is something I face every day to challenge myself and aim to stop doing.

Nail Biting is a Habit, but it's also a mental health condition - technically it comes under an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and as such is not as easy to break as a regular bad habit would be. It takes years to work through therapy and months to see real results.
Treatment varies from therapist to therapist, mine told me that mine is likely linked to my mental health (anxiety and depression) and when those flair and times are hard, bad, rough etc that is when I'm more likely to bite them. I think that is a pretty accurate description, so now my goal is to try and work through those triggers without biting my nails. So using my other techniques to deal with the issue/s at hand, rather than taking it all out on my poor nails.

Here is an article on the medical side of things with Onychophagia and another here.
Here is the wiki. The usual treatment is the use of a foul tasting nail polish containing Denatonium Benzoate - however from using these in the past (such as "stop it" nail biting preventer) I found that it wasn't effective for me - especially since I like to have finger foods I can pick up to eat (grapes etc), which meant I'd have to change my eating patterns and that isn't really a good idea for me.

One of the ways I'm working on being Accountable for my Actions is sharing my photos regularly on Instagram. This means I'm sharing my photos and reflecting on my self. My nail growth in the past few months is big for me. I have White Tips on my nail tips! For me that is a big thing, before I'd bite them before they could get them.

I'm also much more aware of how long my nail polish stays on for... chips on my nails annoys me so I remove it and start again. It does mean I'm re-doing my nail polish every few days or so. I'm slowly learning that using things like a nail polish base and top coat is very important! (I have a couple of base and top coats now)...
Pale colours (closer to my skin tone) don't show the chips as much, so they seem to last a little longer. Dark colours seem to show chips a lot more easily.

I'm also moisturising my hands more now too. Still only once a day - at night before bed. It's become a good ritual.

Taking the time to show my skin some love is having it's benefits too, I'm also taking a multi-vitamin - and my hair is growing more and more too...

There are photos of my progress up on instagram (linked above).