Just some things I'm really proud of...

This week I have been thinking about the things I'm proud of and I came to the conclusion that I don't just have one thing, so here's my round up of things I'm proud of...

In no particular order -

1. Proposing to Daniel my darling fiance and husband to be. And reaching our 5 year anniversary is another thing I'm proud of too! It's the longest relationship either of us have had and we have both grown a lot in the past 5 years. I'm really proud of what Dan has achieved with work, travel (for work and with me) and just being together.

The ring is engraved and says "Will you marry me?"

He said Yes!

Here we are with our flatmate Loren - photographed by Gareth from Duo Photography -

2. Making a future for myself and sticking with study, even through the tough times, illness and failures. Everything has helped build me up to be the woman I am today. 

In under six months I'll be all done with study and exams... And in less than a year I'll be walking across the stage at Graduation!

3. My nails - just having long nails and going to see my nail lady Serenity every month - has filled me with pride. I used to be a chronic nail biter from anxiety.  

 

4. Furthering my skills through online courses and courses from the university - just creating a better future for myself. To be doing what I love and learning lots every chance I get is amazing.
Recently I completed a few courses over the break from uni with Shaw Academy for Blogging and Content Marketing; learning how to be a Celebrity Fashion Stylist and Event Planning courses through Skill Success.
These cheaply found courses online have helped me to develop skills I didn't know I had to make me a more employable person. I've decided that Fashion Styling isn't for me, but the skills I've gained in learning how to tape shoes and such skills I've learned from these courses may be beneficial in future.

5. Working through my Anxiety and Depression and finding an awesome counsellor and doctor who helped me work through and learn techniques to help me control my panic attacks and keep calmer in exams. I must be doing a great job of it because I sat two exams recently without fear and without having any panicky feelings. So I'm really proud of myself for pushing through the tough times and persevering! I'm also really thankful and grateful for Daniel sticking by me throughout all these times, the good and the bad.

6. Having friends, family and flatmates who are there for me when I need them, and when they need me. They know who they are.

Until next week,
xo, Lisa.

Learning and Educational opportunities.

This year is my final year at university and as I get ever closer to graduation and my final two papers being done. I realise that Education, and learning for that matter, is an every day occurrence both in and out of the classroom.

For me learning is about gaining knowledge and is a skill that many possess but not many actually take advantage of. For me I am always on the lookout for skills and try and learn new skills through courses and online classes. I enjoy being in the classroom but I also enjoy working through things at my own pace.

I have been taking some online classes recently in Event Planning, learning skills to be a Fashion Stylist, and furthering my skills as a Blogger, Photographer and individual.
I hope to be able to apply the skills learned to my life now and in the future as an educator and teacher for ESOL students. I find vouchers online from sites such as GrabOne for educational opportunities which I take on. I've also done a 140 hour ESL teaching certificate through them too.

One of the difficulties I face is in organisation of actually getting work done when I work from home. Because I often find other jobs to complete before I allow myself to really get into study and get the course work done. When I'm on campus and working in a lecture theatre I'm more organised because I can attend at the lecture and tutorial times which are pre-set by the university. When I'm working from home I have to really work to schedule these work and study times or I can easily stay distracted all day or just not work on the things I'm meant to be doing.

Today for example instead of studying for my online courses I vacuumed the house and made dinner and extra food. I tidied up. I did a bunch of cleaning that needed to be done.

And I didn't get my work done for study.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that some days just getting out of bed and breathing is a big achievement for the day.

I hope to report back with the good news of completing assignments for my courses and that I've been awarded the certificates soon...

Until next week,
xo, Lisa.

A check in and some new things in the works!

Back on January 4th 2016 I wrote this post and highlighted these goals - 

1. To finish my final 5 papers for my final year of study at VUW. I'm enrolled in a paper for summer which starts tomorrow - I'm excited and nervous to get these final 5 papers done. - I don't know what 2017 will bring - uni will be done and I'll be working!?

2. To lose weight, and this isn't a generic "I'll lose weight because it's New Years" thing, I'm serious.

3. To actually push myself creatively - writing blog posts, photographing for my Instagram, making YouTube videos? Actually doing things regularly to get my creative juices flowing.

And the usual New Years Goals:

• have fun, 
• keep growing my nails out, (2015 and prior every year it was hard to stop biting nails, counseling helped on this one!)
• exploring more of the city,
• learning new skills,
• and learning new things.

Well, now for an update - 

1. I've just done both the exams for my first two papers and I'm waiting patiently on the results from those and my course overall.
Oh! And I talked to my course advisor who has said I only need to do 4 papers this year, so the compulsory English 201 paper, then one from English 300-399, one from English 300-329 and another Religion paper... and then I can have a double major for my BA in English Literature and Religious Studies!
And in my exams, yes there were two! I didn't have any anxiety problems, no panic attacks or fear during the exam. I kept calm and got it done. (Go me!)

2. I haven't been doing much actively towards this goal, because of having a possible Morton's Neuroma in my toes diagnosed. I'll write a longer blog post about that later.

3. I've currently got 3 weeks off between exams ending and term 2 starting, so I've signed up to THREE online courses and I hope to upskill myself by doing those. They are in -
- Fashion stylist
-Blogging
-Event Planner

My nails still look awesome, although no photo as the polish needs replacing, my appointment is in a week, so I'll do a post about them later too.

I haven't been exploring more of the city recently at all. I really should do it more.

As for learning - see above with the online courses.

I feel like this post is more of an update kind of one, but that's okay. Sometimes we just need to check in and see how things are going.

Until next week,
XO, Lisa.

Update for the year and the future is coming

It is insane how fast this year has flown by, it's already the middle of May and that means that I have only mere months before I'm all done with study.

Come mid November after my final two exams are done, I'm a free woman - from university life at least - entering the big wide world of full time employment. I have a few ideas up my sleeve from working for myself as an ESOL Teacher, to finding full time work in a local tutoring service or school... or heading out overseas into the ESOL role I was offered in South Korea. There's plenty of options and I'm sure more will come knocking this year.

In the meantime I have to keep studying and reading - two more novels this week, and two essays by the end of the month... before two exams in June. I really hope I have managed to learn some relaxation techniques for my exam anxiety. I just want to pass the two classes and be done with school.

Then the excitement and madness of the Engagement Party in July with our families back in New Plymouth...            Before it all starts again for the second term of uni study!

(A dated selfie at Te Papa).

Daniel just celebrated making 5 years at his job at CricHQ which is quite impressive. He started at CricHQ when we hadn't started dating yet. I've certainly never worked that amount of time in one job!

I am also considering blogging more often in 2017, like a few times each week instead of just one post per week, but Daniel suggested I find a bit more of a niche market to write to, write about and share things from. Truth be told I don't really know what my overall theme or topic is, because I just write about my life - maybe I'm a lifestyle blogger? I do like a variety of themes though - I decided against cooking as an overall topic just because I find it hard to write a lot about cooking and baking... so while I enjoy doing it I won't be writing about it... I also like interior design type things but I also like to read about what others are doing in that realm!
It's hard to nail down to one or two topics.

If anyone has help or advice about how to nail down a blog topic - I'd love to hear it.
You can contact me on facebook - here, or on twitter here or leave me a comment below!

Until next Monday,
xo Lisa.

Life, foot problems and University

This week's blog isn't as happy as normal and that's because I'm trying to view the world through rose tinted glasses after receiving some bad news last week from my doctor. As always I'm trying to see the positives and thinking this is just a test on my patience and I'm learning that while I may be down with the pain, I'm definitely not out - and it doesn't help my study so much... Got to do what I have to do though to get through.

I'd been having foot pain for about a week and I'd been complaining about it a whole bunch when Dan suggested I see my doctor and get it checked out. So I did.

There's a high likelihood I have something called a Morton's Neuroma it's a benign (non-cancerous) growth in the nerve of the toe. In my case it's in my second and third toes on my right foot.

Now I'm on a bunch of pain meds and I've been having a hard time remembering to take them every 4-6 hours because as long as I'm busy with my essay and sitting still I don't feel the pain in my foot.
More to the point it's toe pain near the ball of my foot; it feels like I have a small stone or pebble in my shoe, even in bare feet! So yeah. It's not fun.

I have my toes buddy taped together in the hopes of preventing the V sign from getting worse. It's where the nerve is pushing my toes apart so they get more of a split between them. Normally toes sit nicely side by side, mine however have decided they really don't want to be friends any more and have split into a V shape.

Today I have to call and make an appointment for an ultrasound to be done to determine (if they can spot it on the scan) if it is a Morton's Neuroma. There's also a chance it won't be seen on the screen. Sometimes, especially if they're smaller, they can't get spotted easily. Obviously I'm hoping it is big enough to be seen.

The pain may have been happening for only 10 days or so at this stage, but it's enough for me to realise just how much we use our feet and rely on things not to hurt!

Daniel was really lovely and took me shoe shopping on Saturday so I have a second pair of sneakers to wear. All of last week I had to wear my bright (neon) coral sneakers as I couldn't wear my flat black cheap (chuck taylor type) kicks.

I've also worn leggings nearly every day too as it's easier than dresses when paired with sneakers. I also have been clever and just go to uni for as long as my lectures are on, then back home on the bus, and then back up again for tutorials. I try and keep walking to a minimum to help minimise the pain. Really, really bad for my fitness levels and I think I'm getting fatter, but I have to do what I have to... Otherwise the foot pain is too severe and I can definitely feel when I've walked far the next day!

If anyone has any advice about Morton's Neuroma pain and recovery... I'd appreciate the feedback. From what I've read online the past few days - the end result will be surgery after some time. However initially it looks like shoe inserts, taping the foot and toes ... and other such measures will be used first.

If you can give me advice on how to fashion sneakers better - I'd love some help and advice.
So far I've been wearing leggings, with a long top and something like a coat or long jersey over top with sneakers on my feet.

That's a billionaires dream and we're not billionaires...

The past few weeks I've been going slowly more crazy with the workloads of uni life piling up and just feeling overwhelmed by literally everything going on.

On top of two English papers, which have many hours of reading novels, plays and poetry between them, as well as worksheets for the tutorials (both classes), and studying towards assignments (both classes seem to have essays due at the same times), ... Life is just a bit hectic.

One paper (201) has a large novel (600 pages),
three small novels,
a huge number of poems
and a Shakespeare play.

The other paper (312) has a larger novel (860 pages),
two smaller novels,
and a large number of poems.

My desk right now is covered in piles of books...

Along side all of the university study and work I've been doing this year - I am also trying hard to keep my sanity and find information about, research and plan out things for our engagement party, and future planning researching for our wedding.

So far I know the wedding will be in New Plymouth, sometime in 2018.

No - I don't know who is on the guest list.
No -  I don't know if you can bring a plus one.
No - I don't even know if you're invited yet!
Yes - there are limits in place, and yes some friends and family??? may simply not be invited.

I am not saying these things to be bitchy, I'm trying to be honest.

Wedding planning is not easy.
I'm finding it hard to do this from afar. We currently live 4-5 hours away and thinking about all the details does my head in at times. Both of our families are based in New Plymouth which is why we are going to have it there. While I have had a few years of pinterest and learning about etiquette and things, Daniel is totally new to all of this. So we are learning together.

If budget allowed we would bring them all to Wellington, or to another destination; but that's a billionaires dream and we're not billionaires.

Marriage, engagement life so far is about doing things as a team. We're not doing this all alone. It's a team effort. It's not up to one of us to make all the choices, even though it has kind of been like that so far. I've done a lot of legwork to get things sorted (like the invites for the engagement)... But then some is also legwork for Dan to do (like organising the photographer for our photo-shoot before our engagement party).

I'm also having to learn lessons about wedding/marriage/engagement etiquette and how to deal with the people who think they can invite themselves, or change things, or add things, or do things when it isn't their place to do so. Unless the couple actually asks you to do something, please don't just assume you can go ahead and do that thing. We are not about to start paying for things we didn't ask for!

Also if you don't get an invite don't be put off, it may be for a number of reasons that simply you don't know about. We have limits on our budget, our venue has maximum attendee limits due to health and safety, fire safety etcetera etcetera, plus we are choosing carefully who we are inviting (or not inviting) and have our own reasons to do so. Life is complicated. It's not a simple act of making a list and inviting every single person we know. We have many limits.

To put it simply - we cannot afford to have a huge lavish affair with every single person we know (or coupled up person we know for that matter!)

If you're asked not to do something by someone - please just don't do it!

It's all simple common sense, which doesn't seem to be common now.

Next week it's volunteers week and I'm thinking about all the volunteering I do and I am going to do a post about what gets me excited about volunteering...

Until next week,
xo, Lisa.

Dan is 29 and other thoughts about growing up.

This past week has been one of fun, mundane day to day life of a university student - filled with reading, studying, classes and tutorials... The usual really. And Dan had his birthday on Thursday the 17th march. Yes, Saint Patrick's day.

I tried to trick him into thinking we were going for a romantic dinner date, but in reality I had been planning with friends to meet up and go to a local restaurant with a bunch of our friends!

 On the night of, I showered, got dressed and put make-up on, anyone who knows me well knows I don't wear make-up! Anyway, we were all ready to go, and I was refusing to order the Uber, until I got a text back. Dan thought this was suspicious.

Anyway, a few minutes passed, we were getting later, and by then it was well past the time I'd said we needed to leave by - and Dan saw I wasn't freaking out. (I have anxiety and will often freak out over what seem's like 'nothing'). So got the awaited for text, ordered the Uber, and left for the restaurant. 

                                                    

                                                     Dan all dressed up, looking flash!

Dan had no idea where we were going. 

Thankfully also the Uber driver dropped us off at a side street, not right outside, so we had to walk a little bit to get to the place. When we arrived he spotted the restaurant and knew where we were going. What he didn't expect was the group of people at the table waiting for us! 

Thank again to our friends for keeping the secret from him, and not ruining the surprise!

Dan's 29 now and we're thinking about how our 30's will be different. 

Here's some photos of our dinner and friends - 

Fiancé Dan looking dapper in his suit.

Me and our friends - Mark, me, Tim, Chris, Loren and Thomas

James, (Helen obscured), Dan B and Mike.

Us again with friends and the birthday boy/fiancé himself!


Dan and I were also talking about how turning 30 seems to be grown up. I was saying that we're growing up anyway - we're engaged now and have a wedding on the table in a couple of years time... I've got this year left of study and then I'll be entering the workforce again too.
We also have parties to plan for the wedding and stuff too, like the upcoming engagement party in July. I feel like I've taken on a lot of 'stuff' to get these organised, but it's also not all on me to do so. I have to let things go and delegate more often, and I find that difficult because I like to be fiercely independent and do it myself and I have come to realise that I can't do everything alone. It's a team effort. I'm going to write another post about this in more detail - next week.

The text I was waiting for was from Thomas (one of our flatmates) who had gone ahead with Loren (our other cool flatmate) to check out the first place's seating arrangement and to see if we could all fit. Original plan was to go to The Ramen Shop in Newtown Wellington, but apparently (according to Thomas and Loren) the seating isn't great in there, and they don't take bookings. So we ended up changing locations at -literally- the last minute to ensure we could all fit together! That's why I was waiting on his text message to see where I needed to tell our Uber driver to go. 

Until next week, 

xo Lisa.

January is half gone, what?

Hello dearest reader, first up where, oh where has 2016 gone? It feels like yesterday that the new year was just starting and already summer school is a third of the way done! (Closer to half nearly). 

I've completed two of the assignments already and I have three more to go, two of which are essays which I'm not looking forward to so much! That said the assignments so far haven't been too disastrous and I've kept on top of things getting them done on time and handed in quickly. 

We will see how that continues for this year. 

I met with the Wizard aka Kate from the department of Humanities at VUW and she's awesome and said I'm well on my way to seeing a May 2017 graduation. So that's my new aim is to complete these final five papers and get that sorted. I had been told previously that I needed to do a 100 level English Literature paper to make up the 2 points I had been missing; but Kate assured me that this isn't the case! So I can do the three English papers I need for the requirements and then can choose either another English paper of 20 points or I can switch to any 15 point paper. So far I think I'll stick with that English one but I'll reassess how I feel about this at the end of the first trimester, when I've done two of the three required papers.   

Something I love about studying over summer is that there's so few students around which means that there's more car parking available - if only I had a car! - and there's fewer people on campus. The lecture sizes are also smaller and that means more one on one tutor time, or lecturer time. The lecturers and tutors do feel more rushed though as they push a whopping twelve week course into a compact six week course. The downside to this is also that on days like today it is sunshiny and hot out and I'd much rather be at the beach but alas I'm in a classroom (or in my office at home doing homework assignments). I guess it's good though because I won't be getting into and out of study mode so much which means my brain is always switched into study mode and I'm not lazy about references and citations. 

I am nearing the end of all of my study though and I'm kind of facing that I want to just stop studying for a while mode. (Not good!) So hopefully the classes keep my attention long enough to finish everything and things will continue to be good this year. 

Now bring on studylink and funded study.

xx. Until next time, Lisa.

Social media

Lately I've been watching a lot of Youtube videos, as well as uploading many photos to Instagram. Anything to distract myself from doing my summer school assignments, oh yes!

I haven't been the best so far this year at being on top of everything I'm supposed to be doing. I'm already behind on blog posts, my YouTube channel and filming has stopped. Something had to give! I'm also super thankful that Daniel agreed to having a long engagement, there's no way I could be doing all of this and planning a wedding as well! (Ask me nearer to the end of 2016 how the wedding planning is going.... *giggle* It's on Pinterest so far and that's it!)

I think I'll also have a bit more of a break from BATs theatre and ushering too - I've just emailed and let them know, as I think my workload this summer has already gone crazy and I need to ensure everything I'm doing is to the best standard it can be, and that I can be on top of my game for school too!

I signed up for a Religion paper a number of months back as I have 5 papers left for my degree and I figured I would do this 300 level paper and I'd be 20 points (1 paper) closer to graduating. I call it a paper, but really it's a 20 point course. Each course (except for summer school) runs for 12 weeks and then most have an exam at the end. Summer school runs for 6 weeks and some have exams, but most just have an exam in class at the end.

Luckily for me mine has an in-class text thing at the end and not a full on exam, as I'll be finishing this paper and going into Summer Shakespeare mode! I'm the Front of House Manager and loving every moment of it thus far.

Later today I have another meeting with the Production Team (this crew is filled with super amazing and talented people and sometimes I feel like I'm way out of my depth, but they're all really lovely and amazing and helping me out so much.) I'm just super thankful to have such a talented and awesome bunch around me. I went into everything filled with energy and raring to go, and lately with the low iron and health problems I've been less than ideal, and really not on my game!

I'm sure I'll be fine and everything when it comes to show time!

In the meantime, lots and lots of study, lectures and tutorials with my favourite tutor Bruno S. (Oh gosh, I hope he doesn't come across my blog!) haha.

Anyway, back to it. Have something like 100 pages to read for Religion before today's 2:10pm lecture.

xx. Until next time,  Lisa.

2016 Goals and Aims

It's already 2016.
Where did 2015 go? Time sure does fly when you're busy!

For the first half of the year I will have a lot going on, from summer school which starts this week for an intense month of studying...  and then next month Summer Shakespeare shows for two weeks - full time working hard in the Front of House as the FOH Manager.

In March I begin my final half of the year for my final four papers.

For 2016 my goals are:

1. To finish my final 5 papers for my final year of study at VUW. I'm enrolled in a paper for summer which starts tomorrow - I'm excited and nervous to get these final 5 papers done. - I don't know what 2017 will bring - uni will be done and I'll be working!?

2. To lose weight, and this isn't a generic "I'll lose weight because it's New Years" thing, I'm serious.

3. To actually push myself creatively - writing blog posts, photographing for my Instagram, making YouTube videos? Actually doing things regularly to get my creative juices flowing.

And the usual New Years Goals:

• have fun, 
• keep growing my nails out, (2015 and prior every year it was hard to stop biting nails, counseling helped on this one!)
• exploring more of the city,
• learning new skills,
• and learning new things.

According to a bunch of articles, and in particular this online article from 2012, sharing your goals online makes you less likely to actually succeed in doing them.
Weird huh?
I thought if you share your aims and goals that it would mean more people could encourage you in your progress. Apparently this is the opposite effect as sharing means more people are there to push you more, and increasing pressure means you're more likely to fail. So weird!



Some notes:
Goal 2: I went to my doctor in early December 2015 and found that I'm 25kg overweight. My fitness levels are non-existent. I've become addicted to sugar and eating junk food. My BMI is in the 'overweight' category and is on the Obese end. To put it the other way if I gained an extra kg I would be in the Obese category. That freaks me out. This is the wake up call I needed to see that I'm not living a healthy lifestyle right now. I need to work on my fitness levels and get healthier in what I'm using to fuel my body, mind and soul.

Special Post: PSA Why can a man ask, but a woman is not allowed?

Getting hitched.
Popping the question.
Saying goodbye (forever) to singledom.

However you word it, when someone opens their heart to another person and asks them to be with them it's no small feat. No small question. No small act of love.
It's heart wrenching to do and even worse to hear that you're the "wrong gender to be popping the question to him".

Wait. 

What?!

Why does the tradition of a man asking a woman to be his wife exist?

Has this tradition changed in the modern love story?

For me I have always thought that asking for a woman's hand in marriage was a big deal. Something I dreamt of happening to me. But the negative for me is the asking her father for her hand in marriage. That part of the wedding tradition feels so outdated to me.

Women of the twenty-first century are no longer property for one man to trade to another. 

So for me the discussion with my father is a bit odd.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too strong about my thoughts and feelings about this.
I haven't talked to my parents (or his Mum for that matter) about my feelings about this part of the marriage tradition. I don't know if I have these feelings about handing over the bride as a possession to be outdated because of my lack of religious faith, or because of my feminism views (which to me is just my everyday life).

After a period of time, there have been more questions about getting engaged too. From friends, family and colleagues. They find out we have been dating for more than three years, and go "sooo, ah, any plans for marriage?" or "where's the ring?" Over time it was hard, we laughed it off or changed the subject. Sometimes we would reply like we do when people ask about child rearing: [laugh and say] "Nah, not for a long time, if ever!" or "Not in this lifetime."

But more recently,  after hitting the four years dating mark... I started to question what we are doing together. Where does he see us in the next two years? Where do I see us in the next two years? I've got a year of study at university to go, as well as about six months study for my ESOL teaching side of things. He's working fulltime and has been for ~ six months longer than we have been together. We have also both been offered potential roles overseas, with open dates for taking them on. It's exciting and another period in our lives of changing things.

Is it time to buy a ring?

Dan was asking recently why do women get two rings for marriage - one for the engagement and one for the marriage ceremony. Men only get one at the marriage ceremony. I don't know why we do engagement rings for women only. It seems sexist, right? Not allowing men to have the same opportunity as a woman?*

It all goes back to tradition apparently. Based on Jewelry stores who tried to continue diamond sales during the 1930's depression (among other times of financial drops of the past). . . As for the tradition of "three months salary for the engagement ring"... yeah, same thing, for jewelry sales.

In fact men's engagement rings have been around since the 1990's or so and increasing in popularity even more so in the past ten or so years. Many jewelers will now stock a range of engagement rings for men as well as the more traditional looking ones with diamonds and so on. 

I call the women's engagement rings more "bling", while the men's ones seem more plain. 

Same deal with wedding rings actually. Although the wedding bands seem to be more plain for both genders.

On the future.

I think it's time for us to buy some rings and ask the question - I see us having a longer relationship lasting into the future. Maybe both of us will ask. Maybe one of us will. 

At the end of the day I am not sure if there even is a one-size-fits-all solution to this dilemma.

* - Sarcasm.

*** Dan and I have been dating since July 2011. ***

Things on my mind... A ramble and a rumble

Blogging is super hard sometimes. I get writer’s block and don’t know what to write for days or even weeks on end. Some days though I get into such a writing groove that I end up sitting at the laptop for hours and hours on end. Typing away. Editing as I go. Sometimes not editing at all. Other times I post-edit after something has gone live on the blog. Sometimes I wonder if I have written something well. Sometimes things get seen by more people - it all depends how far I push the posts and where they are seen. Most of the time I post the links to the blog through Facebook. Although I am slowly but surely trying to expand into other areas of social media - Twitter, instagram and pinterest.

The blogging world is tough to get into though, especially if you want to go viral. It takes a lot of hard work to embrace your followers and keep them interested in your content over time. For me I look at other blogs and websites and see what things on them make me want to keep coming back. I have a few vloggers on YouTube who I watch whenever they post. I want to keep watching their videos because they embrace such positivity and love showing off their city and life in their videos. Every video has the same life things going on, but there’s always a funny twist that happens. Or a serious twist. At the moment Erik Conover who I watch (just look up his name on YouTube to find him) is going through some drama with noisy, obnoxious neighbours. Him and his girlfriend have talked to the building super and things are okay, but things with the neighbour have escalated even more during November 2015. Each day I try and leave positive comments on their videos to show how grateful I am to watch them every time.

I’m also prone to falling on my laptop’s keyboard and later having the courier knock on the door, along with bills from the bank (just kidding, I only spend the money I have saved up), with online purchases from the same select few websites - The Warehouse, ASOS and TradeMe (a New Zealand auction website, which is a bit like eBay I guess). Sadly, currently I am not working enough so I can’t go online and buy everything that I like the look of. I did manage to score a great little bargain a few days ago though, even in my lack of money state I found a new Glassons t-shirt on TradeMe, with tags on and everything. It was ten dollars including postage to my apartment. I then got it and looked at the tags and realised it had been labelled wrong, the label said size 16, but it fits more like a size 14. On the tags it said size 8. Strange. It also said it was forty dollars new, but I had managed to get it for only ten! Score! Best day ever.

Today I have been on TradeMe some more, but not to find any more clothing bargains, to find duvet sets and sheets for our bed. I realised we are using the same sheets and stuff from the past three years, no longer; Four years. Longer. Maybe even five or six years. Ick! I think we need to upgrade some of them, they are starting to get holes in them and starting to look badly faded. Good thing it is coming up to Christmas - lots of sales will happen, so we will be able to get some great in-store bargains from Briscoes, Farmers, or maybe from TradeMe or somewhere else? online. I also need to buy some other things too.

I guess that the Boxing Day sales (the day after Christmas Day) will be a great sales, and bargain hunting, time once more. Each year different companies seem to target different products or ranges within their stores, so it will be interesting to see where the best electronic gadgets will be, as well as clothing and so on.

The thing I like about shopping and bargain hunting though is that I can get inspired by things I see online and then recreate them in my own style and with my own twist on things. Nothing worse than being a clone of everyone else. Being original is all over my blog posts too, I write how I think and I write about things that annoy some of my family, and my friends. I am always having heated discussions with at least one person who has been offended by a view I have. It often makes me laugh when someone tells me my post is offensive, especially when they then can’t engage in a rational argument with me proving why I am so offensive in my posts! Haha. I mean sure, be offended but tell me what I said that was so wrong and how I can correct it in the future.

You can’t expect every single person you meet to agree with you twenty four seven, that’s unreasonable. Examples of such topics include childfreedom - not having or having children and my views on such decisions… Sexual health and reproduction - what do the doctor’s say? What’s the science? Why are there myths around periods and what’s the truth, biology wise?

I feel that having, or not having, a child or litter of children is a personal choice between the couple. There is no right or wrong time or age or circumstance to bring a child or children into the world. And if a childfree advocate person changes their mind the world should not respond with their minds being blown and snarkily responding to the couple. Things happen. Condoms fail as can other forms of contraception. Even the snip (Vasectomy for a man) and getting tubes tied or cut and burned (tubal ligation for a woman) can fail, sure the chance is about one per cent, but it can happen.

Pregnancy can also just miraculously happen for unknown reasons too - of course no matter the outcome of what caused the pregnancy in the first place - it is generally from two people of the opposite gender having unprotected sexual intercourse!

I have been vocal about being childfree and never, ever having children. More recently after another video interview that went worldwide I realised further that I am more childfree right now due to timing. I am having problems with my reproductive cycle - my periods are all over the place, I feel like I’m a girl going through puberty and just starting my menstrual cycle for the first time. In reality I am twenty seven years of age, and been menstruating since I was fourteen.

I have always been open on my blog about my health concerns and talking about contraception is a common theme of my blog. I do not see why people would hide their problems on the internet, who knows, maybe someone will identify with the health things I go through and either seek help, or will have advice for me and my doctor to try something that they found worked for them in the same situation. I cannot be the only woman in the world with a longer than twenty eight day cycle and problems with finding a contraceptive that works in that situation.

Back when I was fourteen I had a cycle that was either six or eight weeks long, which is ridiculous for finding out if you’re pregnant and tracking a cycle of that length is difficult! As a result my well meaning mother and doctor got me onto contraceptive pills. Which helped. For a while. Within months though, if not about a year, I was back to the doctor with what’s known as Breakthrough Bleeding symptoms, of periods that were two weeks apart, even though the Pill cycle was twenty-eight days long.

I was changed on to higher and higher dosages of the Pill, until finally at twenty five I changed my personal GP (General practitioner) who realised the high level of hormone I was taking was causing other problems with bleeding irregularities and headache problems, relating to high blood pressure. I have been lucky to not need blood pressure medication for that. It is something I have to keep an eye on though. As for the menstrual cycle? I have to go back and see what is going on, because the strange two weekly periods are back, kind of. I have had these strange fluttering feelings in my uterus more recently too. I do not know what it is and I worry about pregnancy and the effects that it may have on my studies and living in a flat with flatmates in the coming year. I have an appointment with my Family Planning doctor for the first week of December, so hopefully we can discuss what is happening and why and get to the root of the problem so I can go on without worrying that I need to carry sanitary products and feeling embarrassed for leakage.

Leakage freakage is definitely a thing guys!

Wanderlust, Anxiety and other things on my mind.

Today I have been thinking about my constant feelings of wanderlust it does not seem to matter if I have literally just walked off the plane from a prior trip, I am already dreaming of the next adventure. The next place to go. The next place to explore. Wander. Get lost in. Daniel and I have been fortunate to be able to go travel to some of the most beautiful places around New Zealand and Australia. In my life thus far my parents gave me the wanderlust bug. I can never get enough of going somewhere new and exploring my way around a new town or new city. I am currently living, studying and working in Wellington, New Zealand and it is amazing. Daniel and I have lived here together for the past three years. (I have lived in Wellington for six and a half years now, Daniel has been living here for about seven years.)

During our relationship we have travelled, at least once a year either back home the hour flight back to our families or over to Australia. We have stayed in Melbourne twice with his brother and in a hotel… as well as in the Gold Coast where we have friends who live. Both places are awesome to explore and pretend to be a local in. When I travel I like to live, act and feel, as much as possible, like a local. Visiting local markets, getting fresh food the same way the locals do. Exploring market places. I love markets. You can always find such amazing, one off pieces at markets. Whether they are clothing items, crafted items or food and beverage is another story! Some of my favourite markets include the Queen Victoria Markets of Melbourne, the beachfront markets of the Gold Coast (along Surfer’s Paradise), and the markets throughout Wellington city. The City and Sea Markets down by the waterfront are fun and colourful.

Part of my reasoning for being ‘like a local’ as much as possible is due to the fact that I tend to get annoyed that Tourists have a certain air about them. Of arrogance. Self righteousness. Of wanting things always, done now. I try and be more cool and calm about things. My room is not ready yet? I am happy to sit in the bar and have a drink while I wait. How long will it be? Oh, half an hour. Totally fine. When things go wrong, being nice is the biggest compliment to give. It is so easy to hit the anger switch and break down into tears… Much harder to be the better person who smiles and asks nicely when something will be done. As such I am more likely to find a hotel or accommodation spot which allows me to cook, or bring in any kinds of food I like. I am not big on sitting and eating in a restaurant when I am here in Wellington.

I am a bit socially awkward and find restaurant small talk difficult. I think it comes down to me liking written words more than spoken ones. Good thing I write on a blog each week! I am slightly paranoid in that I do not know who is listening to me, and I do not like the feeling that someone is overhearing me, even when it is an innocent everyday conversation. Strangely I do not have this feeling as much when I am actively teaching a student in the public library, go figure!?

CONFIDENCE

C.O.N.F.I.D.E.N.C.E. Confidence, the power of emotional control over your own well being in life. For me the key to having self confidence, is the ability to look after yourself and see yourself as the most amazing person you can be. For yourself. You cannot think of yourself as being the best for anyone but yourself. If you are trying too hard to be confident for someone else - then it is not real confidence you are showing off, but a false sense of confidence - worn like a mask over how you really feel about your life, and the lives of those around you. Real self confidence comes from within. It is a feeling of self worth and ability to do the best you can do for yourself in your life. Confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy, as in those who think they have it, have it. While those who don’t think they have it, don’t have it. In reality confidence comes from within, it is a feeling of self worth. It can only be judged against your feelings of yourself. It cannot be judged against other people or compared to anyone else.

For me self confidence is when I look in the mirror and see all the good things about myself in it. The dimple of my cheek when I smile. The way that my chosen clothing for the day fits, perfectly accentuating my curves in just the right places. Everyone can look in the mirror and find something you don’t like about yourself, but it is harder to find things you do like about yourself. I try and think of five good things about myself at any given time -right now, I am thankful for having glasses to see what I’m typing on the laptop. Thankful for the television next to me for playing entertaining shows, I am currently writing during the advert breaks while watching an episode of Fresh off the Boat. Humour and being able to laugh is another one. That is three, two more. Happy to know I have the support and love from my Boyfriend who is sitting at his desk behind me. And excited to have baked a muesli slice today without any Asthma symptoms happening! This is big for me, as the Baker’s Lung I battle daily did not affect my baking earlier today! (Win!)

Confidence also comes from those around us. When I have positive people around me it makes me more happy and confident too. Negative people easily bring others around them down. This is why I try and keep positive, happy people around me as much as possible. I am also prone to depressive episodes myself, so the more happy people I can surround myself with the better it is for me when I do feel down. They quickly make me feel happier again. Of course that is not to say that everyone with depression reacts in the same way. I also have moments when I am down and just do not want to be around happy people. I get paranoid that they’re out to have fun and I am just living my life to be all down and depressed. It may sound sad, but it is true. I have had plenty of moments in my life where I would rather be left alone in bed, crying and feeling down about myself and my situation. Other times I am happier to get up and out and about and being super social.

Right now I am a mixture of shaking in my metaphorical shoes and being excited about having a new writing opportunity come my way. I help the Editor of a Journal with proofreading and spell checking and the like, but the Editor has been quite busy the past few months with work, so has not had time to be doing so much of the work for the Journal. I being on break from university have jumped at the chance to extend my writing skills. (This time free is also why I signed up to do the fifty thousand word challenge.) In the process of this work today I was asked to write the Editorial for the next Issue of the Journal. No big deal. I’ve got this. Right? Right?!

It turns out I have plenty of confidence for some parts of my life. Like I can be sure I will have a delicious meal prepared for the Boyfriend when he comes home after a long day at work. I can be sure I will feel confident wearing my favourite clothes. But when it comes to something new or unusual. I am not so sure. I become more nervous. More withdrawn. I can only try my best to do what is required of me and hope like heck I do a good enough job. I am not perfect. There are mistakes that get through my eyes when I’m proofreading. I can make mistakes when I start to ramble on and on and on in an essay. Or when writing an article. But then I am also thankful and happy that I was even given the chance to try something I would not normally get to do.

So for right now. I am thankful and every day I try to be confident in myself. For believing in myself to do the best I can do for me. To be the best I can be, as a person, for myself. At the end of the day I think everyone can have self confidence, and it does not matter if you are extroverted or introverted or a mixture of the two. For some things I am very extroverted, self confident and not afraid to try things. For other things I’m more like a nervous wreck. Scared to do the task at hand. Having a fear of failure. Of feeling like I am not good enough to do the task at hand. Even though that is completely irrational. That I am good enough. I do have the skills to do things well. Being introverted or extroverted is not the definition of having or not having self confidence though. That comes from within. It is not something seen by others. It is something felt by yourself. That should not be sounding dirty like it does!

Confidence has to come from within yourself. It is how you see yourself. How you see your life as an emotion. When things go well and you feel happy, you feel like you swell up with joy. When things go wrong you feel deflated like a balloon that has lost all of its puff. And so it is with confidence, when you’re up, you feel high, like you’re on top of the world. You are higher than a kite flying freely on a warm spring day. People who are around us can make us get these feelings too. When we are with those we love we have feelings of joy and overwhelming happiness when we see them and can spend time with them. When we are alone however we can feel lost, abandoned and without hope. Friends and family can surround us and fill us with positive emotions or bring us down to their level.  

Same too with relationships, if we choose a faithful partner who is kind and encourages us to reach our full potential, we are embraced with love and the feeling that we can be anyone, do anything and be surrounded by love for what we are doing. When you reverse that, with a partner who is not loving, kind or compassionate to our cause; You can feel alone, unworthy and become distrustful of those you should be looking up to. I have been in both sorts of relationships, in the one with the partner who was distrusting, I ended up self isolating from my friends. Once he tried to forbid me from seeing my family - particularly the few members who spoke out against him to me. He didn’t like that. They do not like when people speak against them. Or decide things for themselves that goes against what the other wants.

Now I am in a loving relationship, one where we bring each other up, and push both ourselves, and each other, to reach our full potentials. Where we tell each other to go further, reach our goals and follow our dreams. It is hard work, but hard work always pays off in the long run. We have shared dreams. And individual ones. Like how I want to work overseas teaching English, and he wants to create his own business so he can work from home. How one day when we both settle down somewhere I want to create a ‘classroom’ within our home. Basically an office space, but with a large table to be able to teach lessons at. A professional space in which I can work from home with my students coming to me to learn. Right now the ideal space for me is to use the public library or the university campus because we share an apartment with our flatmate and that is not fair to have their space taken over by students. Plus the apartment is too small to even have a dedicated office space, so Boyfriend and I have our desks set up in the main lounge, living space.

How does shared and individual goals relate to confidence? It is about having the idea and making it a reality, being brave enough to share the goal or dream with someone else and getting their page to match up with your own. Getting them on board to help you make your dreams a reality. It isn’t an easy task and that is how and why I have linked it to having confidence. Having the ability to say yes. I can do this. We can do this. We can make this happen.

Nanowrimo

NANOWRIMO has been an amazing month. I did not actually hit the 50,000 word target, but I did manage to write a lot more words than I ever expected to do in a month.

I'll keep writing more and try and post it as a huge post - it's a really long piece though. Over twenty pages and counting. If I wrote around two-thousand words per day I would be close to the 50,000, but alas I wrote a mere thousand or so each day instead.

Here's an excerpt:

"Hello dearest reader, my name is Lisa Taylor. I was born one balmy spring day in September in the late nineteen eighties. My parents a scale technician and a housewife, had been labouring away finishing off their newly built home. They had been rushing to finish off the interior painting before my birth. But alas I came a few weeks earlier than expected at thirty six weeks. Some of this story is based on real life facts of my life. More will be made up as I go along. It is up to you dearest reader to sort fact from fiction and see how well you really know me. How well do you really know the people you meet online? In the bookshop? In the cafe every Sunday morning on Cuba Street in Wellington? On the bus every night after work? I guess this work asks these questions and more and suggests ways in which we can get to know people. To learn their quirks. To learn their traits. To actually listen and hear their story, versus what we think we hear when they speak. What is not being said, what do we read between the lines?"

I have had a lot of fun mixing up my past and future dreams and history within the literary narrative. I also spent some time on the road, with a Conference and other events going on mid-writing.

Today is Day 30 anyway, and I have a lot more to do.

I am actually taking some time off it, to allow for me to complete the Summer Shakespeare ticket sales and NZ Skeptics Journal stuff. I've just also signed onto a medical trial for Asthma, so will see how this goes. 

Social Media updates and exciting new ventures.

So, so, much has changed in the past two weeks. 

To be honest it's a bit overwhelming how much life changes; for the better. 

First of all I dusted off my camcorder and started filming a few things for my YouTube channel. You can see the latest things here; Lisa Taylor's YouTube... and on that note - started talking to more local YouTubers on Facebook - slowly gaining followers, can only hope to grow more by recording more and furthering my own skills in editing, recording etcetera.

I see a lot of the local YouTuber's seem to solely do YouTube...
I'm still happy to have Pinterest, Instagram, this blog and Facebook going on. I created a page on Facebook for the Blog and YouTube updates - I'm thinking that I should really make it include the other social media stuff too: instagram, twitter and Snap Chat too. Just literally downloaded Snap Chat again, and I'm really unsure on that app!

Outside of Social Media: I'm teaching more, I have four adult students now. They are all from South Korea which is interesting. Mostly I've taught South Korean's here and a few Chinese people too.

I'm on a break for the year from university. It's exams right now, and I was clever enough to choose a paper which was all internal. I'm waiting on my final essay's grade which should be out by the time the Summer Semester begins.

Over Summer - after Christmas (so January and February), I'll be going crazy with Summer Shakespeare where I'm the Front of House Manager** - no pressure! The team -including me- was featured in Victorious the VUW alumni magazine recently - you can see that article and photo here. Was an awesomely fun photoshoot, and new for me- normally I'm on the other side of the camera and taking videos and such, so it was nice to play Model for an afternoon!

Just have to invoke my inner Queen Bee (Beyonce too!).

In a few weeks I'll be down to the Skeptics Conference again - 

Christchurch you'd better be ready for us! 

I'll be there for a few days with Dan and the local skeptics doing the conference talks 

and recording the podcast... 

IF I remember I'll also film some stuff to upload when we get back.

Music that has me singing along:

Adele's Hello! (2015)
Britney's Work B*  (2013).

Movies I love: 

The Minions movie (2015)
Moulin Rouge (2001)
Harry Potter - all of them (2001-2011)

Don't care that this is also from 2013: Selena's song Come and Get It 

- always makes me dance and sing along!
Also reminds me (fond memories) of working at a job I had for a few weeks when this song first came out and we played it in the store every day, super loud. 

One good thing about having a bit of time off before the craziness of Summer Shakespeare begins, means I have more time to catch up with and see friends...

So friends (yes this is me being my usual dorky, awkward self):  

It also means that YES I'm heading home to Taranaki for Christmas - see you soon New Plymouth!


**NOTE: This is the same page used every year, so in 2016 it will change to the next play for shows in February of the following year. Show dates for Love's Labours Lost are for February 2016.